Hidden Hiro's Story
by firexkitsune
Summary: a look inside Hiro's journal of poetry and prose. His feelings and thoughts all revealed. hiroxshuichi


Disclaimer: I wish I owned all things Gravitation, but I don't.  
  
First Gravitation fic, please be nice about it!!! It's kind of unconventional. Enjoy!  
  
Welcome to my journal, a collection of poetry and prose in the point of view of Hiroshi Nakano. These are my true emotions and thoughts, pure from the heart.  
  
Sonnet I  
  
You are my best friend, we've always declared,  
  
Yet there's something that lays unsaid,  
  
It's been out little secret that we've shared,  
  
And I've known it since the moment we met.  
  
But it's stayed in our hearts, hidden away,  
  
Even if our minds will never admit,  
  
I know that our love will be revealed someday,  
  
But I'm suppressed today and feel like shit.  
  
How are you so dense and not recognize,  
  
The bond that we share and go on living fine,  
  
As ages of concealed tears fill my eyes,  
  
Whenever your features enter my mind?  
  
I'll love you forever, and I'll be there,  
  
Always by your side, our lives will be shared.  
  
Journal Entry I  
  
Peace my beating heart.  
  
I wanted to erase the slight pink tinge from my cheeks and silence the thumping in my chest. Not that anyone noticed the difference about me. I sat by myself as usual, my hands around my guitar, watching the others fight and yell during practice-Shuichi was distressed again. Their disputes were frequent and over rather pointless things. Of course I offered Shuichi my advice and soothed him, but I usually never bothered when the rest of the group pitched in. Most of the time I just played tunes on my guitar until things cooled down, but this time, my eyes kept drifting to them, mainly Shuichi. I couldn't even concentrate on my guitar. . . I wondered what was happening to me. Of course I knew there was a scientific explanation, the definition of my symptoms.  
  
It's the phenomenon, unexplained by scientific data, unavoidable, unpredictable called love.  
  
I don't have time for love anymore. I had almost. . . given up. I'm already overly busy with guitar and band, and studying, and family and friends. . . yeah I'm busy.  
  
Sure I love all my friends and I did love Ayaka, but this feels different somehow. Instead of drawing me closer, I feel farther from him. It makes me nervous around him, knowing that he's completely oblivious and completely infatuated with someone else. I had hinted it to him earlier, but he probably forgot. I never wanted to make him feel uneasy, so I suppressed it. I figure it did fade a bit when I met Ayaka, but somehow the love just died away after a while. And now, it's back to Shuichi, the one I've always cared for, and been best friends forever with. I just wanted him to be happy, and so I constantly advised him to patch things up with Yuki. But what about my own happiness and sanity?  
  
I'm ordinarily a pretty straightforward guy, caring, talented, charming, calm, and brilliant. That's how people usually describe me. I'm not like Shuichi, I don't squeal with happiness and I don't act hyper and have mood swings. . . but I will admit that hearing his voice, his touching songs, playing beside him, noticing his big purple eyes, his cute little body, just makes me *blush, happy.  
  
I've been in "love" before, and I've been through loss before. I can be passionate as well as compassionate, sweet, a better lover than Yuki! (So I'm a tad bit jealous. . .) But I wonder how I fell in love with him, and whether he'll ever realize that our friendship is more than just that?  
  
Poem II  
  
I want to be with you,  
  
But I know that I cannot.  
  
This is a battle deep inside,  
  
That's continually fought.  
  
I keep trying to avoid it,  
  
By pretending I don't care,  
  
While secretly hoping,  
  
That you'll always be there.  
  
Sometimes I thought you loved me too,  
  
Forgive me for failing to hide,  
  
These awkward feelings we have,  
  
But many times we have tried!  
  
I'll love you forever,  
  
No more can I lie,  
  
I will listen to my heart,  
  
And my love I won't deny.  
  
Near you, my feelings are restrained,  
  
My friendship is only part  
  
Of the whole I want to give,  
  
The whole piece of life from my heart.  
  
I want you to be happy,  
  
And I'll sacrifice my own,  
  
To make sure you're treated well  
  
And never alone.  
  
Perhaps I'll live my life  
  
In someone's shadow,  
  
And my hidden love,  
  
You'll never know.  
  
Come cry on my shoulder,  
  
I'll always be there,  
  
Come tell me your losses,  
  
And your triumphs we'll share.  
  
Journal Entry II  
  
I'm dying. Literally.  
  
I told Shuichi once that I loved Ayaka, that was a long time ago, to put it bluntly. I fell for her immediately, probably desperate for a lovely face, a fun girl with long hair after Shuichi's "rejection." He didn't really reject me, but he chose Yuki. I don't want to hurt him, but now I feel as if I must try to win Shuichi's heart. He can be happy with me as well. . . right? Yuki kicked him out again. Poor kid. He's chasing after someone who "cares", but does he really? I've been his best friend for countless years, I don't even remember when. I've always been there, by his side, comforting his tears, soothing his cries, working him through this whole Yuki situation. Everyone envies him, and tells him I'm the best friend a person could get. I understand him more than anyone. I deserve him more than anyone.  
  
Hey readers! How is it so far? It is in character enough? It's basically my tribute to my favorite under appreciated bishie, intellectual, perfect friend and lover. . . sigh* lucky Shuichi. He has Yuki and Hiro. . . 


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